hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize