I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
