Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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