I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
