three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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