did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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