No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
