hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
