So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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