He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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