i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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