The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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