cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
