goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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