i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
