Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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