Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
