even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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