Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
