They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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