remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
