i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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