After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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