And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
where am i from again
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
