her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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