I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
