The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
