weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want is dick and wine.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
