what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
