i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
