I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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