I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
