She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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