She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize