3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
