I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
