I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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