Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
