Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
