you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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