You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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