he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
