I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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