Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
