you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
