as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
