Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
