My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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