:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
