Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
