I wish life had little blips of pornography
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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