dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
