You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
