Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
