Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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