He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
