Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
