Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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