i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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