i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize