Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
