True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
