dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
