STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
