I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
